Ask a Terrier: The Giant as Emoticon

Dear Leia,

Careful here, dear! Because Giants are so adorable, it’s easy to forget that they’re only capable of the most basic feelings and emotions like joy, fear, and overdrawn.

Giants that excitedly ask, “Who’s a good dog”, especially while repeatedly slapping their thighs and comically widening their eyes, are revealing more about themselves that about you. “Who’s a good dog” is simply a reliable indicator of your Giant’s good health, especially when their nose is moist and their coat glossy and lustrous.

Conversely, when your Giant storms into the room, hands on hips, and asks, “Did you do this? DID YOU DO THIS?”, clearly, they’re telling you they aren’t feeling well, maybe from eating grass. I mean, that can’t be a sincere question. Did I do it? Of course I did it! Who else is here? Brisby? Nature’s Perfect Animal? He never does anything, does he? Honestly, I think he’s stuffed. And I say that with love.

Look, Leia, understanding your Giant’s behavior isn’t rocket science. Probably. I don’t know what “rocket” is. Or “science”. But what I do know, as I so often remind readers, is that I’m a terrier. So I know more than everybody.

Here’s a checklist of common Giant behaviors and their meaning. Hope that this helps.

GIANT BEHAVIOR:
“Do you want to go for a walk? Should we go for a walk? Let’s go for a walk!”
MEANING:
I love bagging poop!

GIANT BEHAVIOR:
(Clutches treat to chest.) “Sit!”
MEANING:
Debase yourself for scraps.

GIANT BEHAVIOR:
“You’re a smart dog! Such a smart dog!”
MEANING:
You’re a terrier. Probably Budleigh.

GIANT BEHAVIOR:
“Oh, you’re filthy! Somebody needs a bath!”
MEANING:
Brisby needs a bath.

GIANT BEHAVIOR:
“Get off my bed!”
MEANING:
“Get off what I once thought of as my bed!”

Budleigh

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